The Troll's Dirty Secret:
It might have come to your attention at some point in your travels or perhaps therapy, that the evil laughter of trolls tends to destroy one’s resolve. Completely. As in, obliterated, scraped together, burnt and scattered about the ocean.
Matilda Joy and Mary Anne later documented this laugh as the second most evil laugh in all of Highschoolia. But Sir Gluten and the mysterious knight beside him seemed unshaken. Two pairs of eyes gleamed at the troll – one blue, one brown – and swiftly returned to their calculation.
“Sir Constanius Copernicus, I believe we are dealing with a troll.”
“Are ya worried? Are ya worried? Are ya worried?” asked Sir Constanius, the knight with the blue eyes. Sir Gluten shook his head.
“No. Actually yes, but really, we’ve trained for this over ten hundred years. If we win, I swear on the Day of No Graduation that I will buy you a new laptop!” Sir Gluten pressed his forehead against the front of his calculator to see the screen better. (Laptops had just recently been invented by a rebel Wizard and had been given an illegal copyright by the Dragons of Procrastination – but that is mostly irrelevant. Suffice it to say, they were rather rare among the highschoolians and much coveted.)
Sir Constanius so excited he began speaking in binary, which brought more tears to the girls’ eyes. But they struggled to remain perfectly silent so the intense calculation battle would not be interrupted.
At this point, the evil troll was turning purple and had already broken the record – twice – for the evilest laugh in recorded history. Dark impenetrable clouds had appeared above his head and lightening lit patterns in his eyes.
“You will never defeat me,” he cackled and threw a sharpened polynomial function toward the sweating knights. They ducked. It crashed through the side of the pit and into what seemed to be the troll’s bedroom; although it was decked out in bright pink alphabet letters and Justin Bieber posters.
Mary Anne couldn’t help herself – she giggled.
If anything infuriates trolls more, it is the high-pitched, ever-lasting, female giggle. On top of that, his bedroom and life secrets had just been exposed. You see, all this troll had ever wanted was to write songs like Justin Bieber.
Matilda Joy dared to look up, saw the posters, and giggled as well. The two knights were so confused they collided into each other’s calculator and fell on the floor in a tangle of legs.
“Grabbin’ an extra calculator,” muttered Sir Gluten, feeling extremely sorry for his smashed number machine. But he had just finished the calculation and shouted the answer despite his sorrow.
“I did that ten minutes ago, Sir Gluten…”
Sir Gluten turned to glare at his companion. “Why didn’t you say something?!”
Sir Constanius only laughed and held up his calculator – it seemed he had programmed it to play a game called Minecraft. Sir Gluten couldn’t help but appreciate this but suddenly the troll screamed and the ceiling began falling around them.
The poor, evil troll’s Justin-Bieber-Loving heart was completely shattered. His Trig Test had been destroyed by these two punk knights and now his secret was out. Nothing could have consoled him if it had wanted too.
Sir Constanius and Sir Gluten carefully threw their damsels in distress over their shoulders and carefully deposited them underneath a ledge that seemed sturdy. Of course it wasn’t, and a boulder crashed down, separating Matilda Joy and Mary Anne.
“Oh, he’s ragin’ now!” shouted Sir Gluten, much too gleefully for Matilda Joy’s tastes and she slapped his knightly arm.
“Shut up and go rescue Mary Anne!”
Sir Gluten threw his arms up into the air and spluttered but he did as he was told. Mary Anne was rescued and the four of them escaped down a hallway, where they found a yellow room. Since, yellow is a very magical color, everyone felt relieved. Especially since this yellow magical room held a closet.
“This is the key to our salvation!” cried Matilda Joy and she kissed Mary Anne’s cheek in complete joy. Sir Constanius laughed and cocked his head to one side.
“Open it,” he said, smiling largely.
Sir Gluten grasped the door handle and swung it open to find whatever saving magic would be inside. The girls gasped but Sir Gluten had so much body they could not see around him.
Sir Gluten threw his arms in the air. “There is a tree in this closet.”
He moved aside and, indeed, there was a large Christmas tree in the yellow closet. Along with several pipecleaners. Neither were very magical. And suddenly, the yellow ceiling collapsed upon them.
To Be Continued............