The old woman in front of her had once been very beautiful. Now she was regal: soft wrinkles in her face, full lips and hair streaked with an elegant silver. Her hands were folded under a coverlet and her chest rose gently against a silk robe. Even asleep on her throne, the perfect posture and stern mouth spoke of power, but, Bria thought, with her eyes closed she almost looked kind. When they opened, however, all Bria's ideas of grandmotherly affection and reconciliation shattered.
Bahaha.
So, this actually might go into my current manuscript... I was force writing tonight (trying to get back into the habit of writing every day) and I was having trouble describing my protagonist's creepy grandmother. I think I like this. What do you guys think? Too much detail? Not enough detail?
KEEP THIS. Holy cow, that's great. Especially since I know the context of that description.....keepitkeepitkeepit!
ReplyDeleteI'll post my entry tomorrow...though it's nowhere as good as this....
Oh, wow, okay :D Actually this might go in the Rogue Princess... but whatever. I'm copying you and rearranging some scenes haha X)
DeleteAnd don't even start... that first sentence definitely creeped me out. I think it was just fine haha. :)
Wonderful McKenzie! I could see the woman! I think it's extremely clear. Story clear too - love that last sentence. reconciliation, shattered...great word choices!
ReplyDeleteThank you Jo-Anne! :)
DeleteIsn't it funny how a person's eyes tell us so much? You can feel Bria warming to her grandmother then...it's all gone! Lovely piece.
ReplyDeleteI'm a little obsessed with eyes ha. X) Thank you! :)
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